Dear Emma
by Jossasund
Summary: Emma finds a note by the door after her wedding that will change her life forever.


_Dear Emma,_

 _I can't describe how much I love you, and I will always love you. In this life and the next._

 _You believed in my when everyone else were stuck. And I know I have done terrible, unspeakable things, but you are one of the few people that knows why I did what I did._

 _You know how it is to grow up broken, how it feels to not belong and how it is to feel alone in a room full with people._

 _Besides my daddy, you are the only one who always have seen the good in me. You have never let the darkness inside me scare you off. You just took my hand one day and never let me go._

 _The first time you promised me you would never leave me, I didn't believe you. And it took long time before I had the courage, to let you inside my walls._

 _You are the only person who has seen me vulnerable, but I always felt so protected and safe with your arms around me._

 _You and Henry are always going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I saw a future with you both. Sadly I let it slip through my fingers.._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I don't remember when I first realized I was in love with you, but I wasn't scared for a second because I saw you felt the same when I looked into those green eyes of yours. But maybe I saw what I wanted to see?_

 _And then he came into the picture. The man who stole you from me.. The man who made you let go of my hand and I felt so lost without you. But I didn't have anyone else but myself to blame._

 _I should have just told you what I was feeling. But I never did. I never did._

 _I tried tough, believe me, but before I had found the strength to do so, you were already gone. I broke down but I couldn't say anything. Or do anything._

 _Why not you may wonder? Well. Because he made you happy. So I hope he gives you everything you deserve, because, miss swan, you deserve the world._

 _I just wish I could kiss you again._

 _Emma Swan, you will always hold my heart and I hope that hook will be able to treat you as the queen you actually are._

 _When you will be reading this, I have since long taken my last breath and I'm sorry it had to end like this, but it just had to._

 _I couldn't live seeing you with him. It was to painful so I chose to leave this world instead. Just forget me emma. Enjoy your happy ending. And take care of Henry._

 _I'm always going to cherish our memories and I hope those will play on repeat when I say goodbye to this world._

 _Because Emma, you were the one. The one and only for me. You made me feel for the first time in so many horrible years and I will always be thankful for that._

 _you teached me to live. To laugh._

 _I will always remember our laughs and how clumsy you always were in the kitchen. I will miss your smile and your blonde curls. And I'm gonna miss Henry and his little story book._

 _I hope you don't blame yourself for this. I chose this myself. So please don't blame yourself._

 _Live now Emma. Live your life._

 _Yours and forever_

 _Regina mills_

Emma had found this note by her door as she came home from her wedding. She had read it and quickly called her father about it, and he had rushed over to Regina's house. Sadly it had been to late. She was already dead and when he called Emma to say that, it was like someone pulled her heart out of her chest and she couldn't breath.

Hook tried his best to cheer up his wife but nothing worked. She just got angry with him so he decided to leave her alone with Henry.

"Did you know this? " Emma asked her son with a raspy voice. "Did you know Regina was in love with me? "

"No.. We never talked about stuff like that.. " Henry replied with a sigh and dried his eyes.

"I should've know. I should have asked her.

And now? Now it's too late… she's gone. Gone forever.. "

Emma wasn't able to sleep that night. She was downstairs, pacing back and forth in the living room, reading Regina's letter over and over again. It almost felt like she heard her read it to her in her head and it made her weep.

She was gone. Forever lost and Emma would never see her again. She would never see her smile, hear her laugh and feel that wonderful scent of apple and cinnamon. Suddenly Emma froze on the spot as she started to go through her own thoughts carefully.

 _Did I have feelings for Regina i never admitted?_

Emma's head started to spin and she went outside for some air. She sat down and lit a cigarette as she shook her head at herself. Regina, the woman she had been through hell and back, whom had made her feel so much she had never felt before had ended her life.

Because of her.

Emma dried her eyes and looked up at the sky. She had done many mistakes in her life but this was by far the worse and she couldn't do a thing about it. She had to live with this for the rest of her life.

She didn't know what had been so special about hook, because it had always been regima she had seen to spend her future with. But then hook came into the mix and emma had started to hung out with him and she had smiled when she she seem how much Henry adored him. And he needed a father figure in his life.

She had had less time for Regina when Emma had been dating hook. Their usual dinners and movie nights become more and more unusual and even if Regina never said anything about it, Emma had a terrible feeling in her stomach. A feeling that told her she had forsaken Regina. And if she had listened to that feeling, maybe the queen had still been alive.

As Emma look down on the note again, she pressed a kiss onto the paper and let her finger press against the note.

"Forgive me Regina…"


End file.
